What does strength really look like to you?

I guess to answer that we would need to break down the definition of strength.

Strength is defined as one of the following (these three stuck out to me, if you want the full definition go to Merriam Webster lol):

1. the quality or state of being physically strong.

2. the capacity of an object or substance to withstand great force or pressure.

3. the emotional or mental qualities necessary in dealing with situations or events that are distressing or difficult.

So, when someone advised me that staying in a dead-end situation with a man would require great strength. To quote it was, “Only a strong woman can tolerate a man like him.” Excuse me, come again? So, I’m weak for being sick and tired of dealing with a man who is obviously not strong enough to do right by me? This and many other examples brought me here questioning if people truly knew what strength was?

It’s crazy to me that anyone would be so absurd as to tell another woman that their strength is measured by what they allow themselves to go through. I couldn’t shake the frustration that we as black women are so accustomed to putting ourselves or staying in situations that cause us such pain that this pain is now revered to showing how strong we are dealing with shit we shouldn’t be dealing with!

I asked myself, “How could my strength be measured by allowing someone to put me through things I shouldn’t be going through?” Wouldn’t it show more strength by choosing self-love over a love that obviously doesn’t love nor respect me? 

I battled with this for a very long time. 

You see, strength is versatile so I don’t want to take away from anyone that’s choosing to stay within whatever situation they are choosing to be within. That’s not why I’m here to bash or break down another woman who is choosing to stay. No, not at all. 

What I’m saying is, we need to stop measuring strength when it comes to someone else’s personal situation. 

Choosing to stay takes a great level of strength just like choosing to leave. Neither of us are better than the other, nor stronger for that matter. It’s not a competition or it shouldn’t be. If anything, we need to be more uplifting to women going through whatever they are going through and be a listening ear not a mouth that’s so eager to condemn, ridicule on the under (sneak diss), or pacify the opposing party. 

Just listen and give love through those moments. Sometimes that’s all a woman needs to know is that she is being heard by someone who understands, that’s not going to make excuses like, “that’s just how men are.” That’s not going to tell you in so many words that you sound weak for wanting a better love for yourself. 

I say all that to say ladies we are already strong and have withstood the test of time against all adversities that have been held up against us. Don’t allow anyone no matter what you are going through tell you that you are weak. You are not weak no matter what you are going through. 

Say this daily mantra:

I am of love

I am of light

I am strong even in my darkest hour

I am protected

I am at peace with whatever decision I make and no one will ever be able to take the power that I have within away from me

My current situation does not define me nor will it break me

I will always make a way out of no way

Ase! 

Love & Light 

Kilo Sade