Letting Go: How Leaving My Ex Made Room For Me to Find My Own Happiness

“Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it.” ~ Good Ol’ Ann Landers

I’m often asked, “How did you know when it was time for you to go?” It’s such an awkward question for me to answer because me leaving came in stages. With each stage the root issue was evident, I was unhappy and my ex was too. We both had been unhappy for a VERY long time. Someone had to be the bigger person and take initiative and leave. That person was me.

That position didn’t come with accolades lol. No, being the one to leave comes with persecution and a ton of one sided criticism. I was the bad guy, probably still am to a lot of people. I realized quickly, when I walked out my old house for the last time that what other people thought of me wasn’t of my concern. And the only thing that mattered to me the most was my happiness and my peace of mind.

You got to learn to lovingly say fuck folks and their opinions. I’m living for me and mine.

The day I moved I found him sitting on the floor in the empty room that was once our bedroom. He looked so lost. I sat next to him and we held each other and cried. 11 years being each other’s constant was coming to an end. It was a very hard moment for both of us. But I told him we were going to be OK, and he would find his happiness and I damn sure would find mine.

You see I don’t hate my ex at all. I don’t have it in my heart to hate him even throughout all the issues and bullshit that was done it just is what it is. Live and learn you know. I learned a lot from that relationship. I learned what I accepted that I shouldn’t have accepted. I learned how I needed to be loved and what I require from now on. I learned to love without any conditions and have that type of love reciprocated.

Major takeaways that I will forever be grateful for. My Ex and I just weren’t meant to be together anymore and we had to let each other go to find ourselves again.

That first month on my own was financially rough as fuck. I can’t even sugarcoat it. I took out loans just to keep myself afloat. Smack dead in the middle of winter I needed new tires for my truck and that was another financial smack to the face. No matter what though I learned to rely on my faith and perseverance to get me through.

You will have financial setbacks. That’s to be expected ya’ll. But don’t feel like a failure. Trust the Process!

I had to sit my pride to the side and rely on family and friends for financial assistance as well as food. Hell I even went to a food pantry, happily too. Not for one moment was I ashamed or sad about the situation. I kept my faith and I knew that things would up right itself. And it did. You see when you are on a path to align with your Higher Self and doing things from your heart and not malice, The Universe will open up so many doors for you.

Follow the signs and synchronicities.

I was determined to make it. To make sure the boys and I were ok. Not to prove to anyone else that I was right and I could make it. No, to prove to myself that baby you are capable and able. You possess everything within yourself to create the life you want to live. I woke up one morning and said I’m going to get a second gig to make ends meet. I did just that literally that night. I applied to Sally’s Beauty and got hired a week later.

Create purposeful connections with yourself and others filled with light and love.

As Christmas passed and a New Year came all my hardwork began to pay off. The loads were lifted and I was financially OK. You have to trust the process. I rely heavily on messages from God and my own Intuition. I learned how to tell who and what is for me. When it’s time to let something or someone go. During this transformation I’ve gained so much self clarity and it’s filled me with so much purpose.

I’ve made so many purposeful connections. Friendships and a Relationship with someone who is everything I needed and more. During this period of transformation spending time with my kids and breathing life into their dreams and ambitions has become a priority. Things I was once told I didn’t have time to do I’m making time for and still able to work and be a Mom.

Find hobbies that you love to do and do them with those that you love.

From Gardening with my Kids, going to the City Market with my Bestie, opening up businesses with my squad, recording my podcast with My SiStar and reading books with my Man I’m able to do whatever I choose to do. I’m able to do so much and still have time to take a relaxing bath, meditate, exercise and rest peacefully. Times where I use to think I was stretching myself thin not doing anything wasn’t because I didn’t have the time. It was because I didn’t have the support. Now I have endless sources of support and encouragement.

I need encouragement, a pat on the back. Someone telling me how proud they are of me.

I’ve never felt more free. So many changes came, I loc’d my hair up. Stopped working at Sally’s and stepped out on faith and opened my own business. Began my Blog finally. It’s like I opened up myself and reconnected with my dreams of my youth. Found that inner child voice of fearlessness and embodied it in everything I do. I feel like there is absolutely nothing that I can’t do.

Find your niche, your gifts and share it with the world.

I want to encourage so many folks to follow their hearts. So maybe that’s how I left. My soul was calling out for freedom and my heart obliged. You can’t be fearful. Yes things will get rocky but you have to trust yourself and the process. You have to remain rooted in your faith not only with God but with yourself. Have faith, undying faith, in yourself and believe that you can move mountains. You will. And you’ll be happy and at peace doing it.

Published by Kilo Sade

These things can be so trivial so I’ll give a quick synopsis: I am Love. I am Light. Sometimes I’m wrong. Sometimes I’m right. Sometimes I’m low. Sometimes I get high. But at the end of the day I just live true to self throughout this life. That was hella cheesy but that’s me. Asé I’m also a 34 year old Working Mother of 4 boys (pray for me), lover to D2 (swoon), Sistar, Loc’d Goddess, Crystal Healing, Card Reading, Herb brewing, poem writing, hair styling, earth loving, pet whispering REBEL. Follow me on Instagram: https://instagram.com/hey_kilo?r=nametag

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