Ladies, Here’s Something You Don’t Want to Hear

Balance does not exist within malicious intent.

Peace can not exist where your actions are laced in viciousness.

Your Ancestors aren’t here to be your forces of “get back” against folks that you think have trespassed against you.

Sitting here wishing ill on anyone may have that shit come back on you X’s 3.

Now granted, after we are hurt we will experience bitterness, pain, anger, betrayal, etc.

Be easy on yourselves and take time to give yourself the love that you need to be ok again.

Would you rather be bitter or better? You block your blessings one way and transcend living within the other.

We don’t need to understand the ways of men, we need to be more in tune with ourselves so that we can be a safe space for not only ourselves but our Men and our Children.

Black Women don’t realize how important it is for us to be healed and sound.

I’m not saying it’s our place to heal anyone. No, healing is up to the person that wants to be healed.

What we can do as Women is stand our ground and be clear and concise with what we want.

I know soooo many women who are walking contradictions to the men they say they want in their lives.

They want companionship, peace, and love, but they are too hurt to give it or be what it is they are asking for.

Trust, this used to be me too. Hell at times I STILL fumble.

Ladies we need to be honest with ourselves and take accountability for our own piss poor choices because we be the most forgiving folks at the expense of our own peace of mind.

So, yeah….. I’m going to be the one to say it.

We need to:

  1. Make better choices on who we choose to deal with. We need to dead the ride or die mentality and demand respect from not only those that we deal with but from ourselves.
  2. Spend more time and focus on nurturing our children with love, honesty, and integrity. We set the example of how we want to be treated as well as how our boys should treat women. I thank God every day that I have Sons because I be damned if they aren’t going to be Good Men.

I have hard conversations with them and I make sure I tell them and show them I love them. As well as apologize whenever I am wrong. Because I be damned if they get with a girl who is incapable of loving them as she would want to be loved.

3. Set appropriate boundaries. People only do to us what we allow them to do.

A person only has 1 time now to show me who they are. You don’t get a second chance to manipulate me or make me question who you are. I love you but get tf on. ✌🏾

4. Have an open heart but a discerning mind. Know what and who is or isn’t for you at all times and stand on it without explanation.

5. Speak your truth.

No one will ever have to wonder where you stand if you let it be known.

And if they don’t respect you or your word now they never will.

6. Understand the only person that you have the power and authority to change is yourself.

Stop giving him sex won’t change him.

Having a baby by him won’t change him.

Stop cooking won’t change him.

Being cold or distant won’t change him.

Cheating won’t change him.

Leaving won’t change him either.

If that man wants to change he will because he wants to. You ain’t got a damn thing to do with it.
Only taking him back reassures him that he can do whatever and you’ll forgive him.

7. Don’t depend on no one for your happiness. Happiness comes from within.

8. Do things that make you happy and at peace.

9. Rely on self for counsel. Even this message may not resonate to you. Use your own judgment and take what does or he’ll don’t take nothing at all. Stop listening to your miserable ass friends!!!! Get you some ones that are more aligned and will tell you TRUST THYSELF!

Healing starts with identifying what’s broken within us, figuring out where that brokenness originated from, and healing not only the wounds but the trigger responses we adapted from it that no longer serves who we are today.

A lot of y’all are running good men off because you’re still holding on to baggage from 6 ex’s ago.

Y’all includes myself. I am not exempt.

Everything I speak on I’ve gone through and/or steal going through.

Some triggers pop up out of thin air.

Don’t ignore them.

Sit and stare them in the face and see the ugliness that exist in you and forgive her and let her ass go.

Published by Kilo Sade

These things can be so trivial so I’ll give a quick synopsis: I am Love. I am Light. Sometimes I’m wrong. Sometimes I’m right. Sometimes I’m low. Sometimes I get high. But at the end of the day I just live true to self throughout this life. That was hella cheesy but that’s me. Asé I’m also a 34 year old Working Mother of 4 boys (pray for me), lover to D2 (swoon), Sistar, Loc’d Goddess, Crystal Healing, Card Reading, Herb brewing, poem writing, hair styling, earth loving, pet whispering REBEL. Follow me on Instagram: @heykilocares

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