Oh it’s so hard you know.
You try to shield your kids from pain. Try your damn hardest to prevent them from experiencing it.
My oldest loves will never be able to not feel loss deeply. Malachi suppresses while Micah acts out when really deep in the thick of it.
He told me yesterday that he doesn’t know how to let it all out and that he’s just so sad and angry about losing his Grandma, their other friend’s brother, and now a close friend that was like a brother to them.
He was like, “Mama he was just a year older than me. What could he have done for that to happen?”
You know being their age at one time and seeing all the boys that I hung out with dying I expereince this same pain and fear. So, I can identify with him and sort of understand the fear and frustration being a kid and losing a friend. So, I assumed coaching him through this would be easy for me.
It’s not at all because now I’m a Mother experiencing seeing a child that you had in your house just being a kid with your kids, laughing, and joking, and being a child is now gone. And watching that same fear that you had as a child yourself on the faces of your own children. That pain hits different and brings on new fear.
It’s a pain that hits so different.
Pain of feeling guilty still having mine and a young woman who tried just as hard as me to keep her child safe looses hers. It’s not fair. And I’m so tired of it being a norm in my community.
I realize this type of pain happens in various places all across the World in various different scenario’s. But that pain still hurts. Being a Mother and losing your children before the truly get a chance to experience life is Earth shattering and a reality that too many Mother’s are facing.
There has to be another way.