Projecting vs. Constructive Criticism

Yes, there’s a thin line between the two. When do you realize that you’ve gone too far?

Now days I wonder if folks know what tact is? You guys absolutely LOVE to overstep your boundaries with folks then out the same breath got the nerve to get an attitude when you are instantly corrected.

So many people tread the fine line of projecting on someone vs. giving someone constructive criticism, so much so, I figured I’d give you all a mini lesson on how not to venture off into the land of, “you got someone f*cked up.”

Ya’lol ready? Leggo.

If you love someone, as they are, and you are an area in their life that they could absolutely benefit a bit of improvement, I wholeheartedly believe that a little constructive criticism could go a long way!

But how do you come to them in a way that doesn’t seem like you’re being condescending but just wanting to see them take the advice that they may or may not have asked for?

Here are steps that I take when providing constructive criticism to those I hold dearly.

1. Butter their asses up.

All my REAL friends love the, “Hey bitch you know you’re the absolute shit, but girl this is how you can take your I’m the Shìt-ness to the NEXT LEVEL!”

I absolutely have to give my bestfriend Puff credit on teaching me this trick. She does this to me all the time.

Don’t be giving nobody any opinions if you aren’t hyping them up too! You got to set the tone before you go in for something that can easily go left!

Let them know that you admire something about them. No one just likes to hear the critique shit first.

2. Be direct.

I don’t like beating around the Bush. Execute directly to what the problem is immediately after the compliment. For example:

“Girl, I love you and you’re extremely talented. I believe you’re the most talented person in the World. But honey, you have to be CONSISTENT. You can not keep bullshitting. I want to see you go far in this and I believe in you. But you can’t be straddling the fence about your dreams!”

Round of applause. Absolutely beautifully executed.

Here’s an example of WHAT YOU NOT GOING TO DO!

“Girl you really need to get your shit together. You’re off and on and it’s irritating. Come on!”

Like I see nothing but frustration! And everyone can’t take that. Granted you may mean well but that delivery just ain’t it. And more than likely it’s not going to motivate them to get to where they need to be. Which leads me to number 3.

3. Don’t offer an opinion if it’s not followed up with a SOLUTION!!!!

In my Kevin Hart voice, “HELP ME…..N*GGA!!!!”

Some of us don’t see what you see and if you truly LOVE SOMEONE and want to see them thrive a couple of solutions ain’t going to hurt you!

Let me know how you would improve if you were doing what I’m doing!

My friends and I bounce ideas off of each other OFTEN! If you can’t brainstorm with your girls without feeling hints of jealousy and animosity you got the wrong friends!

HELLO!

Last but not least…..

4. DON’T BE GIVING NOBODY ANY ADVICE YOUR ASS DON’T LIVE BY DAWG!

Now granted my Mama always would tell me and my Sister don’t be like her be better! But some of you muhf*ckas don’t be on SH*T!!!! But ALWAYS got something to say NEGATIVE!

Like literally sit behind a keyboard all day just waiting to give a hating sermon on one of your friends post knowing you not doing nothing remotely like the advice you be trying to give.

The best thing you can do is start living your own truth and leave everyone else alone until you find you.

Some of you just be coming off as haters and you know maybe that’s what you are. And that’s fine. But don’t spread that pessimism on anyone else.

And hey, maybe you got friends that just can’t take constructive criticism, well maybe you need to ask yourself if that’s a friend you want around you that feels like they are ABOVE APPROACH.

I definitely don’t because I want ALL MY GIRLS TO WIN!

Published by Kilo Sade

These things can be so trivial so I’ll give a quick synopsis: I am Love. I am Light. Sometimes I’m wrong. Sometimes I’m right. Sometimes I’m low. Sometimes I get high. But at the end of the day I just live true to self throughout this life. That was hella cheesy but that’s me. Asé I’m also a 34 year old Working Mother of 4 boys (pray for me), lover to D2 (swoon), Sistar, Loc’d Goddess, Crystal Healing, Card Reading, Herb brewing, poem writing, hair styling, earth loving, pet whispering REBEL. Follow me on Instagram: @heykilocares

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