Pain

When you lose your Mama your World goes upside down.

That’s a lifeline that we all need that keeps us grounded and tethered to this World.

Losing my Mama was the hardest thing I’ve dealt with, still dealing with, in my life.

Everyone always says they can’t believe how strong I am when I talk about it.

They don’t realize that I literally have to block myself from feeling it to even speak on it. To speak about her.

I don’t show my emotions about it at all.

This World really doesn’t give us the space or acceptance to truly speak about our pain. Especially our community. Life goes back to normal right?

No. I dealt with Anxiety for 7 years now after losing our Mama.

You get through it. But you never get over it.

I’ve had people try to tell me how I should grieve. That I shouldn’t overshare so it made me silence myself about it.

People telling me, “Everyone loses someone.” Even compared their loss of their bestfriend to the loss of my Mother.

People don’t realize how their lack of empathy can further push people over the edge.

I stayed silent in rage and anger about it all for years.

Therapy helped me get to where I began to open myself up enough to feel it all.

Being true to myself and no longer caring about what anyone had to say set me free.

I’m free to feel it all now.

Tonight “Pain” airs.

I finally speak freely about losing my Mama.

How it’s taught me how to be more empathetic to those who are dealing with pains that I couldn’t begin to understand. I couldn’t walk in their shoes.

And those that think I do or say too much can’t bear walk in mine.

Kilo Cares