You know how frustrating it is to be making transformations within yourself and be constantly met with unintentional opposition by those that you love? You have enough grace to know and understand that they really don’t realize that their constant reminders of the you, “they are used to getting” could potentially be discouraging to the inner work that you are actively doing.
Breathe and apply grace before responding and understand that with transformation and change that occurs within you, a lot of people won’t see, give praise, or acknowledgement to your adjustments. And guess what? It’s ok.
It’s ok. YOU JUST KEEP ON GOING!
Because at the end of the day. This transformation isn’t really for them or about them. This is for you. You are making these changes to get closer to your own NIRVANA not one that’s seeking approval from any exterior source. A lot of the times they won’t understand the strides you’re making.
A lot of the times they will get offended if you change your mind and decide, “You know what, that’s not working for me. I’m going to do it this way instead.” They’ll think you’re being weird, quitting, or whatever. Please don’t let that deter you from your progress.
JUST KEEP GOING!
Yo, people. Let’s be serious here for a moment. We always here folks say the sayings, “do what’s best for you.” Or, “YOLO. You only live once. Make the most of it.” or, “It’s your thang. Do what you wanna dooooo.” Ok I just wanted to throw that in there because the song is really an innuendo for sex. But Still you guys know what I’m saying!
People say this until the person they love or idealize starts living this and goes against the agreements that they’ve concocted for you to uphold! And those agreements are theirs NOT YOURS!
Your friends do this. Your Spouses do this. Anyone you have any type of relationship does this to you and anytime you go off bat and do something different to maintain your own peace of mind, it’s open season persecution. Ok, I’m being dramatic but I know someone out there feels me.
It’s hard at times trying to keep people pleased. The entire time you do this your more than likely displeasing yourselves. And then what happens? You are crabby panties/tight drawed. You have an attitude. Your mood is stank. And this is why.
This is something that I myself have just had a come to Hey-Sus moment with over the years. People pleasing will never cease until you truly have had enough. And I mean you’re like, hey I don’t want to offend you but I don’t want to have this agreement with you anymore. It no longer serves me. It does nothing for me. It makes my ass itch. And stand on that! Stand on not having agreements with folks that make your ass itch!
Sometimes these agreements can even be with yourself! Do you know how many thoughts, patterns, habits, and behaviors I’ve literally had to break up with myself with! Yes, breaking up with yourself is a real thing! We be having a lot of attachments we’ve adapted to for social survival that needs to be broken up with and dead-ed. (I love making up words.)
Let it go.
Here are some tips with breaking up with agreements that other folks or yourselves have that you ain’t rocking with anymore:
- No means NO. And it doesn’t come with any explanation. It’s already a full sentence. Say it with your chest if you have to.
- Don’t respond to anything that is demanding an instant response and you’re unsure of what it is you want to say. You have time to think shit through. Think it through! Let them know that at this time you can’t provide an answer and you’ll get back to them on that. This avoids A LOT OF CONFRONTATION! Trust me.
- SAY WHAT YOU MEAN AND MEAN WHAT YOU SAY! As much as possible to avoid confusion on something that no longer is a good feeling to you that other’s are used to you obliging to, let them know IMMEDIATELY! Don’t let the SHITERADE keep prolonging knowing it gives you the bubble guts just thinking about having to do it. Let them know immediately. AND BE OK WITH THEIR RESPONSE. Don’t feel sorry if they feel rejected. Let them know that it’s no longer a feel good option for you. They will be ok.
- It’s ok to change your mind. Just vocalize it and IF you feel like explaining the change, do so. I prefer explaining why something is no longer working for me so that there’s no confusion or audacity to ask me again. (It be the audacity because people will absolutely try you.) Case scenario ~ I had an old co-worker that used to TRY me daily. I was the newbie at this job and it was a temp position. This lady apparently had been running this shit on EVERYONE that started through the staffing agency. Due to her being a bitch, they had a high turnover rate for this position. This was my YOUNG 20’s. I had just had my second son and I was desperate for work. Well, this lady would have me do all of her work. And would be gone hours. Her name was Renee, every bit of 60 and smoked cigarettes like chain smoking like. She’s lowkey the reason I’m mortified of smoking them because she sounded like she spoke through a voicebox and she didn’t. It was just the damages of the smoke. Anyhoots, she would have me do her work every day. And it would be mailing off invoices on top of the invoices I already had. So every day I would be over extended. Trying to do hers and then trying to do my own. Initially, they had offered me a full time position because of course I was getting along just fine. However, I had had about enough. They weren’t paying me enough to do ALLOFDAT. So, one morning she just slammed a high stack of invoices on my desk, purse in tow, and said. “Hey Nakiesha, I’m headed out.” I was like I don’t have time to do those. You would have thought I smashed her brand new pack of Newports or stabbed her in the back. She was LIVID. Went to the office and complained to our manager. No, she wasn’t the manager. She had the same role I did just was a permanent employee. They called me to the office and I explained what happened. Why I wasn’t doing it. And I went back out to my desk and did the only job I was hired to do. Do you know they fired me! Lol. Honestly it was the greatest thing they could have done because I wouldn’t be where I am today. I’d probably still be Renee’s invoice bitch! So, standing my ground and changing my mind truly worked out in my favor!
- Last but not least have time to check in with yourself and your own agreements. I like to sit still from time to time and just let thoughts flutter through my mind. No music, no convo, just zone out. This helps me become aware of my feelings. As a thought flutters within my mental reach I grab it, analyze it, and decide what needs to be done about it if anything needs to be done about it. Most thoughts are just gentle reminders now days. If it’s something I’m not ready to make a decision on I just observe the feelings and put it in a compartment I label, “Hmmm” lol.
- I said I was done but I’m not. I really have to put an emphasis on not taking things personally. Again, sometimes our people don’t know that certain things aren’t breathing life into us anymore. And honestly, it’s not their fault for reacting any type of way because YOU haven’t had the guts to SPEAK YOUR MIND! My Husband tells me all the time, “I can’t read your mind Mamma, you have to let me know how you feel.” And don’t wait say it immediately ya’ll when ya’ll feel something isn’t sitting right within you. A lot of our drama truly be SELF INFLICTED. HONESTLY, ALL OF OUR DRAMA be self inflicted. You don’t have to deal with SHIT. You deal with it it’s because you’re allowing yourselves to deal with it.
So, yeah. Living your truth is 100% being real with yourself most importantly than being real with everyone else will just fall in line. Some won’t like the TRUE YOU and you have to be OK with that reality!
Cause I’m telling you, it’s going to make room for a GREATER YOU! Greater feelings, greater opportunities, a greater LIFE!