Facing My Insecurities

A large part of my healing journey has been identifying my insecurities, my triggers, and seeing where they originate from.

I’m far from done.

When you start to peel back the layers of trauma and realize how deep it runs and how often a lot of our actions are misguided by the things we have endured and barely survived through.

And I say barely because we tend to only put bandages on wounds that aren’t healed completely but just grown over. Like new skin growing over an infected wound. All it takes is one hit to reopen it and see it fester some more.

This is how grace starts to be achieved.

I swear to you the more I remove these bandages and let these wounds see light and get air the more patient I become.

The more understanding I obtain.

Though I have many and day by day I’m getting through them.

I still have a very long way to go.

I’ve lived so long not feeling anything for fear of feeling too much and being hurt.

Let me be the first to tell you that shit doesn’t work. Just creates a mask. And that mask aligns you to people and places that had you been feeling through life you would have NEVER connected with.

So when you remove that mask, well, you’re unfamiliar. No one, sometimes not even you, knows who the hell you are.

Healing is really re-finding you. Tapping into that inner child. I know so cliche but it’s true.

We are way more enlightened before we are conditioned. In our childlike minds we held freedom before the World took hold of us.

And as I type this all out, which it’s intended to be a blog but I’ll add it here too, I look over to my left and there’s a Cardinal in the dead bush.

Constant reminders. Constant hope.

The bush will be reborn again soon, and so will I.

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