Well apparently Kevin Samuels the self appointed leader of the He Man Woman’s hater club has “allegedly” passed away. Black Social Media is in a frenzy going crazy with either spewing hatred towards him and screaming they are happy he is dead to black men taking this as their glory and going all out with ensuring they keep his legacy alive by continuing to humiliate black women and shame them along the way while taking no type of accountability of their own.

And here I am in the middle looking at all these toddlers going back and forth with each other wondering, why is this division still a thing?

I’ll start with wishing death on someone.

You are weird to really wish death on someone.

I didn’t care for Kevin Samuels but I’m not about to put that type of energy on anyone in the World.

Cause that shit will come back on you.

That’s it. That’s my thoughts on that.

Next I pose a question to my black sistars:

Ladies….. I do have a serious question.

Why do we blame men that show us who they are and we stay and give them chance time and time again?

Are they really at fault for treating us bad or is it our fault for staying in a place where we are mistreated?

I’m all out of chances. You got to believe a person the first time. I can only speak from MY EXPERIENCE. But I am 1000% at fault for staying where I didn’t need to be. What that man did was ON HIM but what I ALLOWED IS ON ME!

I feel we do this in every type of relationship dynamic from friends to family. Like we feel obligated to deal with other peoples pain and misery and you’re not! You don’t have to deal with nothing that isn’t in alignment with your peace and joy. I see sooooo many folks with soooo much potential mute themselves or really block themselves from major blessings based off of the people they surround themselves by. That shit matters. Who you energetically have near you matters. I know who and what I am and my presence can’t just be around any and everyone. No diss to them but I’m good. I can’t do it.

Fellas though ya’ll taking this and truly showing ya’ll real colors.

Take heed to the mind of a man.

I don’t think I can say that enough.

Where his mind is, how he treats the women in his life from his Mother to his children’s Mother’s matter to me.

I want someone balanced, not in pain.

I’m so grateful for my Husband. He is not cut like that.

How does he react to failure, heartache, anger, pride, ego, like all that matters to me.

Men have to have emotional control and balance.

You can’t just be spewing things out at folks and thinking it won’t escalate. You just can’t say anything and think it’s ok to talk to women that way.

The thing that bothers me most about overly opinionated men when it comes to women is that they too lack accountability for their own shortcomings and that’s why I refuse to have back and forth conversations with ya’ll.

If I can take accountability for my part you for damn sure need to take it for yours because as soon as I point it out that you are refusing to take accountability, you’re going to attempt to ridicule me or put me down because your ego is bruised.

I really wholeheartedly believe a person who never thinks they are wrong WILL NEVER GROW.

This is why I constantly CONSTANTLY self check myself often. I don’t want to be the smartest person in the room I’d rather be the most balanced. It’s wisdom in balance. It’s peace in balance.

I use to be the debate queen on these facebook streets. Ya’ll can’t get me to go back and forth with a soul now days. I say my peace and will leave you with the last word. You can have it.

I’m at peace and I don’t need that validation or accolades or the joy of getting the last word.

The division between black men and black women is so heartbreaking because no one can empathize with the other’s pain because we are still deeply seated in the trauma.

Both are equally undervalued and appreciated.

It’s hard to empathize with what you are still experiencing and it seems like there is no let up. NO stopping the disrespect.

No one wants to listen without blaming or pointing fingers.

Accountability ABSOLUTELY needs to happen within each of us. I feel only then will folks begin to pull back their layers of resentment.

Black women want black men to express themselves but we don’t offer them safe enough space for black men to express themselves, value their words, dreams, or thoughts because they do not mirror what it is we want or desire. Men do not think like us ladies and they definitely don’t process emotions like we do. They also can not read our minds and we have to stop assuming they know what’s right to do just because they’ve been with us for as long as they have. We still have to communicate with them and allow them safe enough space to communicate with us. A lot of the times we say we want to hear the truth. We hear the truth and we lash out because it triggers something in us and we explode instead of seeking understanding. Go within and do the work so you can hear folks out. Hearing the truth isn’t just beneficial for your man it’s beneficial for you too because you’ll see rather it’s in alignment with where you are in life and you too can move with or on with the information provided.

Black men want black women to be soft and submissive but don’t supply her with the respect, loyalty, and security she needs to feel comfortable enough to be soft and submissive. You can’t want this from your woman yet entertaining a million and one more. You can’t undermine or undercut your woman or disrespect her or talk down to her. You should always uplift her and she should uplift you. Especially during times of disagreement.

That being said I really think people should reevaluate their relationships and their roles within them often.

A lot of resentment stems from being at places and spaces you may not want to be and you should be honest with yourselves about that and your partner. If you are unhappy you should express that. If you can’t express that then you need to sit with why you can’t and if it’s something internal get therapy. If you’re partner doesn’t allow you too, let them go.

Stop sabotaging your peace and your happiness and your mental wellbeing for anyone else.

We got to stop being afraid of letting people be and letting people go.

We truly got to be better if not for others for ourselves. No one can do anything to you unless you allow it.

A lot of the times we be hurt by what has transpired. Upset folks could be so cruel. But majority of the time we are upset with ourselves for allowing it to happen. We then project that pain into the World and we got to stop it.