Coping


My Mom would have been 58 years old on August 10th.

This Month has already been a blur and I just want it to be over. Life lately seems to be stuck on autopilot and in true Kilo Aquarius form, I find myself REBELLING.

What does that mean/look like?

Well, living. FEELING FREAKING ALIVE.

Going against the status quo. Breaking habit and routine and not needing to over explain myself or reasonings.

Hanging out with family and friends seems to always be the remedy to mute the pain and the constant question, “Why?”

Why us? Why? Why her? Lord, why?

You know I HATE cliche phrases especially, “God puts his toughest battles on his strongest soldiers.” I don’t believe that.

I don’t think God gets a kick out of seeing us suffer. I KNOW humanities awareness has fallen short. And we lack so much empathy. Have absolutely no regards for love and life. So much so it’s nothing to take a life.

Not realizing how catastrophic that one murder will be to the lives of all those who loved that person.

And here we are. So many families indirectly connected in trauma and pain. Worldwide.

Nearly everyone has dealt with homicide in their families rather it be on a battlefield on deployment, a casualty of governments wars, or in the hoods or even a damn grocery store.

And we don’t even see the connections we just keep on going and coping.

The greatest thing about being so rebellious is realizing when I’m at the edge of a downward spiral. The initial kick of it seems to be LIT.

Don’t worry I always catch myself before slipping.


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