Download 3/29/2021

Find yourself snapping often with folks leaving them looking dumbfounded and confused? Yeah you’re emotionally triggered love. Heal that!

I say this with love firmly.

Stop projecting your pain on to others just cause they unknowingly do something that triggers a negative reaction from you. That is not their, nor yours. It’s time to identify your triggers and heal them.

Or at least identify them so that you can learn to control your reaction.

Emotional triggers are something that you yourself need to sort out.

That starts with acknowledging the trigger reaction in the first place. Take accountability for it. Admit that it exist and be honest with yourself as to why it bothers you.

Most disagreements are always a misunderstanding of someone taking something the wrong way.

This is a major download for myself because I am often on the defense about EVERYTHING.

Rather it’s due to being passionate about things or being in past relationships where my mind and thoughts were undervalued, I get angry when I am questioned, ignored, or put off by someone else’s opinions.

I feel downtrodden and disrespected and I’m known at times to snap. I hate it.

I’m learning to breathe through these moments. Keyword learning, I’m not there yet. I’m trying hard as hell though.

I’m learning through identifying my triggers, that the creation of them is by an event that occurred either to me directly or what I witnessed.

For example. A partner of mine years ago use to ask me about certain women, to see if I knew them. Well he was asking because he was interested in them and ultimately cheated on me with the girls he was asking about.

That then created an issue for me. Anytime a guy I was with would ask me about another chick I’d instantly got defensive about it. Literally, “Why the f*ck do you want to know about her for?” I know someone out there feels me on this.

Yes, so just imagine for a moment a recent altercation you’ve had and you got upset with someone and they were left looking confused and baffled by your reaction. Think long and hard on what it was that was said and done.

Can you then take what mad you hella upset and sit with it to begin to peel off the layers as to why it angered you so much?

Can you pinpoint other situations where that same situation occurred and you reacted the same way? I bet you can!

Now ask yourself these questions; 1. Why is this situation still affecting me? 2. Why am I still emotionally impacted by this? 3. Do I feel there is any truth to what this feeling is creating in me? 4. Is it ok for me to let this emotional trauma & trigger go or, do I need time to work on this wound?

Be honest with yourselves on this. The only person you owe this to is you! This will ultimate help you move along your own journey.

Be easy with yourselves.

You are not obligated to rush through your healing for others. Healing is for you and you alone and absolutely EVERYONE in this vast World/ Universe is healing from something.

So don’t beat yourself up.

The first step is admission. Admitting that you still have things that you need to work on.

It’s ok not to be ok and don’t let anyone make you feel less than because you’re taking your time to heal. Be selfish with your healing process.

Identifying traumas and their emotional triggers is a very big step in deep diving and doing shadow work.

I send you love and and abundance of light during this journey! Remember to do your best every day. And if you slip up and snap out dont beat yourself up about it. Breathe, apologize, and try again tomorrow.

You got this.

3/26/2021 Dowload

It’s not easy but through my journey I’m reopening old wounds and letting myself know that every little thing is going to be alright.

In the late Summer of 2008, I was drinking and ended up being drugged then raped by someone I thought I could trust.

I never spoke on it because I didn’t think anyone would believe me even though his family loved and adored me. Hell they still do.

I hid it because I was too afraid to know the truth and I just wanted it all to go away.

I blamed myself more for putting myself into that situation.

“I knew better.” I told myself that over and over again.

What did I know better from though? I really looked at this Man as family. I loved him as such. Tried to be there for him and speak life into him like I do to this day to everyone. This has always been in me.

It broke my heart. I just wanted it all to go away.

Worst of all I think it was more involved. I can’t prove that of course, but I know what I woke up witnessing. Someone else was there. Who? I’ll never know.

I’m writing this all to say that for 13 years I blamed myself. I felt like I knew better than to put myself in a situation I was to inebriated to get out of.

The aftermath, I distanced myself away from him, blocked his number and never talked to him personally since that day:

However, when I’d see him out about and I’d speak back and act like I didn’t know. Then immediately leave.

One time, some years later though , in the middle of Walmart, I seen him.

Surprisingly I spoke first. I Asked how he was, and congratulated him on his baby girl. He looked lost, down, and defeated. I told him things would get better. Yeah. Uplifting still.

He said, “I really messed up with you. You’re a good person.”

I said. “Yep, you really did,” and I walked off.

I cried in my car in the parking lot.

What’s wrong with me? Wishing good will on someone who took a part of me without my permission?

I guess it’s the part of me that wants to heal the world so much so that I’ll put myself in harms way to make change.

Or I understand and identify that most hurt people hurt other people.

And he was hurting a lot.

I also blamed myself deeply. I knew he liked me. I just never thought he’d take advantage of me in that way. Especially not the thought of allowing someone else to hurt me too.

Today is the first day through meditation that I went back to that night.

I wanted to forget it all. Just wanted it to go away and I prayed he or they never would tell anyone. Now I’m praying someone knows something and will tell me. I want to know the truth.

Plus, nothing ever goes away though. It resurfaces.

It resurfaced in me by me thinking taking my sexual liberty back by sleeping with who I wanted to when I wanted to would give me back the power that was taken from me that night.

However having sexcapades didn’t do anything but dull the ache as well as make me resent myself even more.

It has now been a year and 6 months since I have been sexually active with a soul.

I did this for me.

I needed to cleanse my full being. Mind, body and spirit.

A detox.

I have never in my life felt so free.

So clear mentally, physically, and spiritually.

I am closer to God than I have ever been in my life and now I’m able to look back over that time and see how toxic that situation was. How toxic the triggers I adapted to were.

How toxic I had even become to just mask my own inner pain.

I forgive me now.

This weekend with my friends we will release through sound all of the things that no longer serve our Higher Selves.

It’s literally a celebration.

I am free.

I’m no longer weighed down by who I was. It no longer defines me.

Whoever is reading this that relates to this, I just want you to know that it’s not your fault and you are not alone.

Speak up and speak out when you’re ready too!

It could be today, or tomorrow, or five years from now. Let it out and let it go.

You’re more than the toxicity that others may have done to you.

You’re far greater than that.

You’re not broken!

You’re not nothing.

You’re everything. You’re beautiful. You’re worthy and you’re loved.

I love you.

My joy is mine. My peace is mine. I release this hold that this incident has placed upon me for so long.

Forgive yourself and be free.

However, I pray this finds you at a place of peace.

This was a very hard one to write. I talked it over with my Husband this morning and he said whatever I was comfortable with doing he’d stand by me.

For 13 years I’ve tried to block that morning when I woke up out of my mind.

I had never felt so weak, used, and dirty in my life.

It’s taken me 13 years to forgive myself for being raped by someone I thought I could trust.

I’ve been conflicted about it for a very long time.

Through soul searching and celibacy I’ve finally connected to my Higher Self. I am closer to God that’s in me than I have ever been in my life.

It’s time to heal these last few rounds of wounds.

The final ones that have built these massive guards around my heart.

I have to so that I can help others from this same space.

So many women and men have been sexually abused or raped and have never spoken about it out of fear of persecution or ridicule.

I pray my courage sparks change and helps someone else be able to finally share their story, forgive themselves, and help them encourage others to speak up and out.

Each one, reach one, and teach one how to be free.

We aren’t going to be weighed down by the trash ass mistakes of others anymore.

That’s on them to heal from and take atonement for, not on us.

We’re going to be alright! Not from a space of spite but from a renewed place of power!

It’s power in our testimonies and we must share them and set the example that we want to see in the world.

I’m free now. Absolutely nothing false in this world binds me.

Not sex, not adoration, not validation. Absolutely nothing.

I am free. The Sun shines infinitely in my life. My heart is open and I am love. Unconditional and pure.

And I am worthy and so are you.

And I forgive myself, and him and anyone else that was there and either participated or stood by and did nothing.

My joy is mine. My peace is mine. I release this hold that this incident has placed upon me for so long.

#heykilocares

Not Really A Download Just On My Mind

Healthy Skin Starts Within.

Everyone wants glowing healthy skin.

We are literally jumping from product to product in search of some miracle combination to give us brighter, even toned, glowing skin of the Gods.

The truth of the matter is, we can buy all the products in the world but healthy skin begins within us!

Balance is everything!

I know I over say this word often.

I’m always speaking about balance. But everything is balance!

Everything about our mental, physical, and emotional makeup is all about balance.

When we are out of balance everything is out of wack. From our skin, our health, our lives, our mental well-being.

Literally everything!

Especially our skin!

The general pH Balance of skin from our scalp to the bottom of our feet ranges from 4.7 to 5.5. Making our skin mildly acidic.

What’s the 411 on our skins pH?

When our pH is much higher than 5.5 it’s too alkaline which causes our skin to be dry and super sensitive.

If you suffer from eczema or other skin issues with inflammation, your skin is more alkaline and you’re needing to find not only products that’ll get back into a normal skin pH range, but also a DIET that will not through you off as well.

Did you know one of the main purposes of skin is to help the circulatory system eliminate waste? What did you think acne was?

Inflammation is extremely harmful to our bodies natural waste removal. When the skin is inflamed, rather from acne or eczema, harmful enzymes known as MMPs are created and their sole purpose is to damage our collagen build up.

We need collagen to help prevent wrinkles and to keep our skin elastic,firm and without wrinkles.

When our skins pH is too low/ too acidic we tend to be super oily and prone to massive acne breakouts.

Diet is extremely important in maintaining our skin. Yes, like a slim waist, healthy skin is also determined by what we eat and drink. What’s in your kitchen?

Drink water!

We are too old to say how much we hate water. Water is key in making sure all of our bodily systems are running as they should.

Finding out your skins pH should be your top priority to determine what type of products you should use.

If you are too alkaline you want to use a product that’s more acidic to bring your pH back to normal. The Hey Kilo Cares Tumeric Bars are great for this!

If you’re too acidic you want to use an alkaline product to bring your skin back to balance. This is where the Hey Kilo Cares Dark Spot remover with Ginger comes in as well as my Black Soap that’s debuting tomorrow.

Top off with the Witch Hazel Mist and Rose Oil for equal coverage and sun protection.

It’s time we truly get to know our bodies inside and out.

And DRINK WATER!!!!

Love Kilo 💖

Download 3/24/21

Are you pouring into you as much as you’re pouring into others?

When I was a kid, Mother Dear would emphasize the importance of ALWAYS paying yourself.

“If you make a dollar, pay yourself $.25. “

I’d be like, “If I get a dollar wouldn’t I be paying myself the $1?”

She’d laugh and say, “No, you have a dollar but you’re going to spend it, save at least a part of it that’s how you pay yourself.”

When you pay yourself, you’ll always have something to hold on to.

A reserve of abundance that you yourself have created. JUST FOR YOU! A rainy day find.

The just in case something goes wrong and I have something to fall back on in case I need it.

A comfort account. A cushion.

Yes, we always think having a financial savings is enough. We need it for energy too.

We need it for energy more than money because every day we are tirelessly giving to others and not pouring anything back into ourselves and that’s leaving you mentally and emotionally at risk.

Vulnerable. Exposed. Who will have energy for you when you’re depleted?

You have to pore into you MORE than you pore yourself into others.

Do not run yourself dry trying to fix someone else!

You can not fix a soul unless that person is actively putting in their own plan of healing.

You can assist, you can motivate but you can not save if a person isn’t actively trying to save themselves.

I repeat stop over exerting your energy trying to save people who don’t want to be saved.

Today you’re no longer Captain Save a Hoe fellas or the Clean Up Woman Ladies! Fellas you’re not a Housekeeper and Ladies you’re not Superwoman.

We are going to stop over exerting ourselves for people who don’t want to be saved.

Your grown ass children included.

Saving your kids that don’t want to be saved will literally be the death of you.

It’s natural to want better for our seeds. Guess what? You can always love them but you are not put on this Earth to stress yourself out to help anyone that doesn’t want to be saved! That includes everyone!

Mama, Daddy, Siblings, Spouses, Friends, etc.

Everyone is put on this Earth to walk their own paths! If they choose to walk a path that leads towards destruction ALL you can do realistically is speak life into them every chance you get.

Just a reminder of their potential.

That doesn’t mean opening up your homes to toxicity.

That doesn’t mean opening up your pocket books.

That doesn’t mean bonding and bailing them out of jail every time they get arrested.

That doesn’t mean putting your house up as collateral every time they get indicted for legal fees.

That doesn’t mean forgiving them of things they wouldn’t forgive you for.

EVERYBODY GOT CHOICES!

You got to stand Tall on the choice for your peace of mind so that you will not over exert yourself out of obligation.

You’re not obligated to anyone but you!

Why are our people dealing with depression, heart failure, high blood pressure and so many other ailments that is literally killing us?

Yes, socioeconomic factors play a major part. A major roll.

Stress is also a major factor and we put too much stress on ourselves.

I mean every day there’s a new controversy that happens with a “Celebrity” and we go verbally duking it out on social media like we are the debate champions of the world.

Well, y’all suck because you’re too emotionally invested while debating. You lose every time you take a debate personally.

I say this from both spectrums because it used to be me.

Detach.

GUESS WHAT?

That’s emotionally over exerting yourself on shit that’s has ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with you.

Learn how to detach, scroll by, and realize people are grown as hell and are going to be exactly who they are.

Your Facebook dissertation isn’t going to be profound! Most aren’t even going to read it. That’s why I blog!

Whoever wants to read it will. And whoever doesn’t well, that’s their prerogative. I don’t care!

Stop allowing your personal emotions to get y’all out of wack over these “celebs”. They got problems just like you and I do.

They have their own path to walk. I’m too focused on walking mine now days.

We are not here to try to figure out anyone else but ourselves.

When you pore into you and focus solely on you and your peace you will then BE the reflection that you want to see in the world.

Likeness will attract to you. And anything around you that doesn’t mean you well, well, it will all fade off.

Trust yourself. Invest into you more than what you put into others and I promise you your tribe will form!

You will be at peace mentally, spiritually, and physically.

Use my magnet affect.

When you put two magnets together you realize instantly that you can’t. There’s a magnetic force between the two that pushes them apart NATURALLY!

Keyword NATURALLY! They are naturally NOT supposed to connect!

You have to force them to get an odd sort of connection.

So many of us are laying next to another magnet, befriending magnets, going into business with magnets, even growing up with them.

Let that magnet go and be great.

The only thing I’m forcing in my life is absolutely not a damn thing. Ok. Not even jeans. If I need to lose weight I know how.

Or I can buy another pair.

#heykilocares

Download 3/23/21

Do you really know what it takes to vibrate higher? Or is it a cool punchline?

This isn’t an I’m a smarter or better than you type of blog.

This is a, “I’ve been lost before, honestly until recently, so I understand how and why we are where we are”, type of blog.

This is to enlighten, not to berate.

I’m not better than anyone.

I am a vessel.

I am here to use my journey as an example so that I may help others be liberated.

It’s beyond time that we begin to vibrate higher.

I start that by realizing that this message isn’t for everyone.

This is for those who already feel the pull! Those who are unsettled. Those who feel like the “norm” is no longer their normal.

They feel conflicted when around folks who are still lost in the dream of it all. No longer amused by the day to day theatrics that they use to partake in.

This is for you.

I speak on Chakras often.

Any spare time I can between Customers at my vending events, I’m deep diving over loud music or partygoers attempting to speak to folks about healing and getting to know the main 7 chakras in their body.

For to elevate from those lower regions you will then be able to truly connect with God.

Yes, I believe in God. God is within each and everyone of us. We are God’s Essence.

We literally are more than what meets the eye, even the third one!

We are the divinity. We are.

So many of us are at one and at peace because we know exactly who we are!

We are Children of God, therefore we are Gods.

Not the Creator, but Gods of God. It is vital we come to term with that.

A friend of mine asked me recently what do I think about Christ. Do I believe we must go through Christ to connect with God.

When I told her yes she was so confused. Like wait, what?

I told her what I am about to tell you and many of you will write me off as insane but there will be a few who will read this and feel empowered.

This is again is for them, not necessarily for the masses.

Christ isn’t this Almighty Spirit in the sky. Christ is within ALL OF US. Christ is a seed within us, that we DO have to go through in order to connect with God.

Christ is our Pineal Gland. You must VIBRATE HIGHER to get through your pineal gland to connect with God/Source.

There is no other way around it.

Doesn’t matter how much scripture you know. If your life is tainted by flesh the ways of this world you will forever keep you in lower vibrations, the lower chakras. (Muladhara & Sacral)

It takes a great deal of self discipline, HEALING, deep traumatic healing, to VIBRATE HIGHER.

Ridding your mind of self victimization, a great deal of accountability, a great deal of isolation, a great deal of sacrifice, a great deal of pain, that will then be filled with a great deal of peace!

The first day I heard my inner voice was January 23rd, 2021. Like really heard myself, really connected with Source/God, really connected with my Higher Self, and really seen my Spirit Guides, all of them! My very first Spiritual Awakening.

Seeing my Mama, My Grandparents, all of my Ancestors. My People. I cried for hours. I’ve never felt anything like that in my life. I felt so warm and covered. Protected.

Why would I not want others to feel this peace?

That’s why I’m so passionate when I speak about Crystals, Chakras, and healing. Balance is the key to connecting through Christ to God.

Doesn’t matter what religion or faith that you believe in. Change Christ to Pineal Gland, I don’t care.

You can believe in whatever you want to believe in. The message is clear!

You have to heal and be in balance before you can connect to God/Source.

Completely in peace.

I don’t argue about what or who God looks like. I don’t view God as a Man or Woman. God to ME can’t be defined by a gender. A power that infinite can’t be boxed into anything that I have come to know.

It’s too powerful. Thee powers is because we couldn’t begin to be able to contain all of that. We’d lose our minds.

God is what God is. Like I am what I am.

“If we were made in His image then call us by our names….” Werd to Badu.

To Vibrate Higher means to deliver ourselves from the ways of the world.

Not be vexed or trapped within it, live our lives authentically you our Higher Selves, and realizing our reality will look a lot different from others.

I don’t judge anyone or how they live.

I walk my path alone and determine quite quickly if my Vibration is able to align with others.

Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn’t.

I embrace change. At any given moment if something no longer aligns to me, I let it go.

I don’t force anything in my life. I trust the Universe that’s been placed in our lives to guide and lead us to where we are supposed to be.

Everything is Connected. And EVERYTHING is created by God/Source. Everything has it’s place, including Us. And we must respect everything that’s in this world. That doesn’t mean you have to live within it.

You want to vibrate higher? Realize that redemption is already within you. Heal and rise to the occasion. Heal and vibrate yourself higher.

Faith without works is dead. You have to heal you.

Heaven and Hell is all a mindset.

I choose to live in Heaven. I refuse to live in Hell.

You deserve to live in Heaven too. What will you do to get there? What are you willing to let go?

I can lead you to the water, but I can’t make you drink it.

Download 3/22/2021

Do you really love you?

“I open up myyyyy heart….” 🎶 Yolanda Adams

Seems simple.

It isn’t.

We may think we are open in love but we aren’t .

I’m not talking open marriages/polyamory/open relationships, nah!

I’m talking about Open Love of self and of others.

If we truly loved OURSELVES we wouldn’t do things to harm ourselves.

We’d be more conscious of the things we consumed mentally, physically, romantically, and spiritually.

Think on everything right now up to this morning of what you in took today that REALLY serves you no purpose. You just do it out of habit.

Take five minutes to think on every step you too this morning.

What did you eat? Me? I had a bowl of blueberry shredded wheat with milk.

Yes, milk. And I KNOW it’s not good for me but I had it anyway.

Some of you may have sparked up a newport. Even knowing it’s unhealthy for you and anyone around you. Even knowing there’s healthier smoking alternatives but you choose the chemically tapered short sticks that will ultimately shorten your life.

Some of you yelled at your kids or berated your spouses. When really you are yelling at yourselves but too afraid to look into the mirror.

Some of us woke up next to people that we really don’t love but stay with them out of comfort and complacency. How can you live up to your full potential and you’re tepid with your endeavors?

I’m not judging anyone just advising that we are not truly loving ourselves how we should. And I say WE meaning all of us!

It’s truly time to open your heart to YOU. To HEAL YOU! So that you’re truly LOVING YOU AND ALL THAT YOU HAVE TO OFFER BECAUSE YOU HAVE SO MUCH LOVE AND HEART TO OFFER THE WORLD.

I want you to say that “I AM GREATER THAN MY ROUTINE.” That’s not yours it’s worldly habit and you’re far greater than it.

Break those habits, change your mind and watch your world change right before your eyes.

HEAL YOU BY LOVING YOU!

Open your heart to YOU and watch everything that’s meant for you fall into place.

It’s that simple!

#heykilocares

Download for 3/19/21

Say what you mean & mean what you say!

The download today is: In expressing yourself in love, BE CLEAR & CONCISE.

“I wouldn’t have to guess how you felt if you didn’t go around in circles trying to tell me….”

I hear this often.

I am a storyteller.

I love writing.

I express myself better with written words.

Well I’m willing my mind out of this now because I want to, no, I AM able to speak and be heard.

What better way to do this than being direct and straight to the point so that you don’t lose the interest of those that you are speaking to.

When you are clear and concise you are doing just that.

You’re able to clearly articulate the point you are trying to make without drawing it out with unnecessary additives.

No need for theatrics. Especially when you’re expressing to someone how they make you feel.

We have to be clear, raw and honest with our emotions.

No one likes to be unclear of where they stand with someone.

I feel that we’ve been in so many eff’d up situations with love, that we’ve now adapted to being what we once received and it’s creating a lot of relationships of “You should already know how I feel without me saying it.”

So many people have been broken from childhood traumas, deception, heartbreaking betrayals, you name it.

There’s a necessity for our people to be reassured. Black Men & Black Women.

We should reassure our partners daily.

I drop the ball often.

No excuses.

No explanations.

Just be better love.

#heykilocares

Download for 3/18/21

“YOU SHALL NOT PASS!!!!” ~ Gandolph The Grey

You have to have personal boundaries set in place so people aren’t able to take advantage of your mind, body and spirit.

People only do to you what you ALLOW THEM TO DO.

You are your first line of defense.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice…. Won’t be a twice. That’s my BOUNDARY.

Doesn’t matter if it’s right or wrong.

I can go into so many times and chances over my 35 years here on Earth where I have given chance after chance to people to be the bad guy in the end for finally choosing me.

Now days I don’t give second chances.

I don’t expect second chances to be given to me either.

Loyalty is everything to me. Respect is everything to me.

I’m not betraying a soul. Nor will I allow someone to betray me and be able to be around me to talk to me about it.

I’m good.

Lay your law y’all. Put it out into the Universe and I promise you everything that fits your script will gravitate towards you.

We determine our destiny. You are in control.

So take it.

#heykilocares

Download for 3/17/21

If you’re afraid to move you will never go anywhere.

The download today is complacency.

Usually I keep my downloads to myself but when I finally hear Mother Dear talk to me after 8 long years, I think I need to get this message across.

Where are you being complacent in your life?

Complacency, like everything else, is rooted in the fear of the unknown.

For whatever reason you are afraid of moving forward with something, or make up excuses as to why you’re not moving on a career move, relocating, leaving a relationship, finding new love, starting your business etc.

The doubt that you create in your mind is complacency. You refuse to give anything a try because you believe it won’t work out in your favor.

How would you know if you don’t try?!

I’d rather try than be filled with “What If’s.”

I don’t care if I fail or if I grow old and alone. At least I tried! And hell, whatever happens will happen you know!

I’m living my life and I’m going to do whatever makes me happy. I don’t care if it doesn’t make sense to whoever.

So I say this to say, if you feel compelled to make a switch in your life DO IT!

You don’t owe anything to anyone but yourself.

If your heart is calling you to move in a different direction, DO IT!

What’s the worst that could happen? You fail?

Failure isn’t an ending! From failure we learn from our mistakes so that we don’t make them again and we TRY AGAIN!

As long as I’m being true to myself, I will never stop trying! I’ll keep going until I get some shit right.

You only have one life. Think on it.

Stop being complacent. Complacency kills hopes and dreams.

#heykilocares

Sighs….

People be like, “Kilo you ok?”

No I’m not!

No I’m not ok!

I have 4 sons and I don’t qualify for food stamps!

I will NEVER be ok!!!!

Alright damn it!

And the 4 year old eats more than anybody!

Look at him, the rare specimen who eats dry cereal but drinks his milk!!!!!

Make it make sense?!?!?

Joey Da Great