The Point of it All

I’m extremely private when it comes to doing card readings.

It’s sacred for me and I respect the privacy of my clients.

I never ask my clients what they are wanting insight on.

I only tell them to visualize to themselves their concern or what they are wanting clarity on and give me a number 1 through 5. So as I cut I use the energy provided from that number and put it into the cards.

I do this because consciously we want to know what things are on a surface level of feeling.

How to be successful, how to find love, etc. I know my other readers feel this.

I do this like this so that I can dig deeper into their subconscious and figure out the root of their problems. I allow our guides, yes because sometimes their guides talk to me directly, relay the messages that they are NEEDING to know, not what they want to know.

It’s more impactful this way.

I’m not a medium at all, but I have talked to spirits through readings if they are present and want to say something.

I can’t just summon folks, well I haven’t tried but I wouldn’t want to lol.

I say my readings are sacred because I learn so much not only my clients situations but also myself and how if I were in their shoes, how would I react. I don’t incorporate my feelings into the readings at all. I just toy with it in my own mind.

It’s interesting balancing out different scenarios and reactions and makes me look deeper into my own triggers and emotional responses.

Nevertheless, this specific clients reading was on betrayal. Their significant other had cheated.

I could feel their pain. And I cried with them.

I however sensed without looking at the cards that the issues wasn’t the infidelity itself, but more so the anger of humiliation. Rightfully so.

I also seen the love in their eyes. I felt the partner trying to redeem themselves and I felt my client making it hard for them to.

I told them to follow their heart. And if that leads them to forgiving their partner then, that’s exactly what you must do. For holding on to this anger is going to do the one thing that deep down inside you don’t want. Push them away.

They cried and I cried too.

They celebrated their Anniversary just recently. They look so happy. I feel their joy and their love.

I also provided her with my therapist information too:

I’m serious about therapy just as much as my craft.

I don’t want repeat customers. I really want people to TRUST THEIR OWN VOICE WITHIN.

Acceptance & Release

If they hate look above and beyond it.

Not because you’re better.

Because you understand that there was once a time that you too were lost in the fog of it all and it was gentle Universal reminders that were able to place you back into gratification.

I say this to say it’s really not on us to understand why people are the way that they are.

Just learn to accept folks for who they are within this moment.

If they align to where you are right now then that’s fine if not let them go with love.

You’re only responsible for your peace of mind so that you can remain a peace of mind to all.

Everyone has to find their own inner happiness. That void can not be fulfilled by no one else, just you.

Today’s Spirit Message is:

Deep Clean and Release.

It’s almost Spring. Declutter, remove, new growth, and renewal.

You’re incapable of doing any of that if you are still stuck in old ways, relationships, friendships, partnerships, or emotions that keep you trapped in self victimization.

It’s time to release and renew.

Sending you all an abundance of love and light as you deep dive deeper into yourself to begin to shed layers of pain. It’s not easy and their are trained Therapist that are available to you.

Don’t let anyone tell you that therapy isn’t a solution.

Therapy changed my life.

Healing is never ending. We will be healing every day for the rest of our lives.

While healing is never ending, our traumas and/or issues will subside and we learn how to live with them and control our emotional reactions. That is the goal.

Pains may never go away but we don’t let them control us.

I wish you well. I send you love. I send you joy. I send you prosperity and I send you abundance in this day and forever more.

Grand Rising

Random Thoughts

Didn’t you guys miss these?!

Never before in my life have I been so serious about my space and my time.

I’m extremely cautious on what I do, where I am, what I say, what I listen to, what I read, what I engage in, that my head is protected, that my space is cleansed and protected, that my home is cleansed and protected, that my people are covered, and that my surroundings are covered.

I use to say my purpose is greater than me and that’s so far from the truth.

I am greater because of my purpose.

My purpose has made me a greater person.

I look back at who I used to be and I’m no longer ashamed. Everything lead me to these moments.

I still have a lot of life left to live and learn.

My journey of healing and self discovery has opened so many wounds up that I really had to get in and treat. A lot of them aren’t easy fixes and I’m STILL treating the wound.

Nevertheless I’m thankful.

Healing isn’t pretty. Shadows and Triggers lurk all around us and create responses out of us that go against our current characters. That’s why it’s important to apply grace and love in all that we do.

The same grace and love that we expect is the same grace and love that we should be giving plus some.

One thing I realized that I love saying now that I used to never say before is, “No.”

You can say no in love y’all. You’re not obligated to over burden yourselves. Do what you can so that you’re still authentic within your truth and your purpose.

We can’t please everyone.

I haven’t fallen out with a soul. I love everyone. My doors are always open.

Be great today in all that you do. Tomorrow is never promised. Living like it’s your last isn’t just about doing things that give you comfort it’s also about leaving lasting impressions on those that you love and care for.

If you left this world today would you leave it in peace? Would you leave pieces of yourself that you would want left with the ones that you love?

Make amends. Tell those that you love that you love them and that you appreciate them.

I love y’all.

End Rant

Still….

Working at Sally’s and seeing the products on the shelf I envisioned then that I would begin making my own products. Here is Hey Kilo Cares now. Never stop believing in yourself!

I’m not afraid of struggle but I definitely don’t want to ever go back to it.

I identify with it.

It was only 10 years ago I was catching the bus with my oldest twoSons, through rain, sleet, and snow, to get from 18th and Broadway to their Daycare Center off of 31st and Main. Then from there to 57th and Troost to go to Hair School.

I’ve come along way.

I say all that to say, NEVER GIVE UP ON YOU.

I am STILL a Licensed Cosmetologist.

I am STILL educating myself! From Kinesiology to Herbalism. I’m actively getting certified in everything that I love and want to implement within my businesses.

I am grateful for clarity.

I am grateful for purpose.

When people sit in my chair it’s a healing session.

Not just a fresh hairdo.

We speak life to each other! We hear each other.

My clients LOVE ME and I LOVE THEM.

It’s a genuine love and from that love, Sister bonds are formed.

That means everything to me.

Everything I do is filled with so much love and passion.

That’s how I know, since I was a kid and wanted to do hair, write, sing, dance, draw, act creating is my purpose. I knew early on how different I was.

Creating and showing people with my creations to not only see the beauty in my art, to see the beauty that’s within them as well.

My art resonates with you because you too are beautiful.

My Creations are a reflection of what I see around me. It’s so much beauty all around us. 💖

Hi, I’m Kilo! The Overthinking, Super Sensitive Sufferer of Anxiety.

Pretty? Yes. Complicated? Hell Yes. Giving up? Hell no! I will conquer my mind.

There’s been a lot going on with me lately. The New Year came and with it I expected a little relief from the hellish year of 2020 that we endured.

I figured that with Old Agent Orange out of the White House, necessary change would be happening and with the Great Conjunction of December 21st occurring and giving us all this Wakanda Forever Kumbaya vibes, that 2021 was going to be MY DAMN YEAR.

And then January 5th, I lost my last Mohican. Yet, I felt that, though I would miss her that I could and would be ok!

I mean me, what else could go wrong right now? I mean I’m young still, super creative, I have a wonderful man, my children are good (Malachi could have better grades & attitude) but I faced losing Mother Dear and my Mama. I could get through this right?

Wrong. I am really trying to break through the fog and it’s harder than I thought it would be.

This isn’t a cry for help or feel sorry for me post. This is a, hey, you guys really need to be more mindful of how you treat and talk to people. You just NEVER know what they are going through mentally.

Some antagonist will say that’s on the person going through it however. “You have to let folks in and not expect them to know!”

That’s really easier said than done. Gratefully I’m strong enough to admit that though I am strong most of the time, I still have down moments.

Just last November my Great Grand had to speak life back into me during a 4 hour long anxiety attack. The next day I felt like I was hit by a train or a car. My entire body was weak and my muscles were so sore like I worked out for 15 hrs straight.

That’s what anxiety attacks do to you. They drain you mentally and physically and over exert your muscles. I felt so helpless. And I just kept going.

Every day I just keep going. I’m slipping….

I’m feeling myself slip. I’m slipping right in front of people and they don’t see it.

I see it and this is my way of saying I’m going to do more about it.

By speaking on it. By showing that yes, even I, this super strong, spiritual woman of love, light and darkness has dark mental moments and that’s ok.

It’s ok not to be ok! It’s ok not to be perfect. It’s ok to feel good and it’s ok to feel bad! That’s what makes us human. And I want all you perfect folks to realize that me and others like me who suffer from anxiety are not weak.

We are not crazy. We are not delusional. We are not off. And even if we were bipolar, which I’m not, but IF THE FUCK I WAS, that THAT is ok too!

Who the fuck wouldn’t be any of those things living in this less than perfect fucked up world?

I don’t strive to be perfect, every day I strive to be better. Better for myself so that I am better to my Husband, my Children, my Family, My Friends, My Neighbors, My Community and my World.

That is my goal. Not to be Perfect but to be BETTER. Realize that every day is a day that I am grateful to be present in whatever mood or moment. And knowing that I will make it.

And guess what? You will too. 💖

So I recently read an article on overthinking. Because overthinking is my main symptom of my anxiety. I know when I overthink I create this hell in my mind.

Lately I’ve been doing these exercises during meditation to differentiate what’s real and what’s me overthinking.

I basically create a list within my head on pertinent info that is relevant to me and I throw away things that I don’t need in my mind at all.

The things that cause me to overthink.

Today’s a bad day. I feel mentally drained. My water pressure is down. My capability to communicate is affected by Mercury Retrograde.

I’m easily annoyed. Just not in a good headspace.

But I will be ok. It’s just one of those days.

Here’s the article. Let me know if it works for you.

https://www.inc.com/lolly-daskal/10-simple-ways-you-can-stop-yourself-from-overthinking.html

Grateful

💖

Subconscious and Superconscious I am grateful for life and love.

I am Grateful every day for all the many blessings that I have received.

I am Grateful for the blessings that I am able to be for those that need me.

I am Grateful for my many gifts.

I am Grateful to my Ancestors of Benevolence and Spirit Guides that are with me every day. Providing me with wisdom and clarity throughout my life from beginning to now.

I am Grateful for love. I am grateful for life.

I am grateful for good health for not only myself but for all that I know and all that I love.

I am grateful for reality. Realizing that it’s bigger than me and that my gifts are not for my own benefit but for the entirety of The Universe.

I am Grateful for the light within darkness.

I am Grateful that God has shown me my purpose and has placed me exactly where I need to be within this moment.

I am grateful for this clarity and understanding.

I walk this life with no fear for fear is not of love. And I AM LOVE!

💖

Today’s Affirmation

Subconscious and Superconscious today I choose to lead every step, every thought and every manifestation written or thought in love. For not only myself but for all. While I realize that I want abundance I also want abundance for all.

I manifest abundance in all areas of my life so that I may provide abundantly to others.

We are all connected in linked in this life. We are the collective. May we all rise within our purposes, lead our lives with unconditional love and be the change that we all want to see in this world.

Angry

Losing Mother Dear hurt yet at the same time, we got to say our Goodbyes. I felt robbed losing my Mama and not being there with her when she needed me the most. Losing Great Grand felt like my heart was torn from my chest. It was so sudden and unexpected. She was OK. Elderly but OK. Our family was not prepared.

I got the call at 11:45am on January 5th and I just screamed. I screamed and pounded the wall. I knew Monday that something was not right.

Over and over again as my Aunt Gladys attempted to calm ME down after she told me that HER Mother, my Great Grand passed away. She was calming me down.

I felt defeated. My Last Mohican was gone.

My 3 Mohicans from left to right: Great Grand, Mother Dear & Mama.

She was just ok. That’s all I could think. I had just seen her the past Wednesday. I had called her while I was visiting a friend to inquire about Mother Dears “Cha Cha” recipe and she sounded disgruntled and weak. I asked her if she was ok and she said yes, “Just old Arthur kicking in.” Her reference for her arthritis. I tried to take that as enough but something kept nudging at me.

After getting halfway home the better part of me told me to follow my instinct and I turned around and headed to her house. She wasn’t expecting me at all but she never turned us away. She was THE CONSTANT in our lives. Always there. Constantly and consistently. Always there. It was NEVER to late to call, see or stop by. She always answered. I haven’t had the strength to call her phone and not here her soft voice answer. I can’t pull myself to listen to any of her voicemails. I’ll save them forever.

When I got upstairs I had the urgency to stay and talk. Darron called and as usual he and Great Grand had their back and forth banter. Saying that they were praying for each other and to keep strong and rooted in faith. When I left she sent me home with a bag of candy and her usual Great Grand stash always. Veggies from her garden, I never had the courage to ever tell her no or that I didn’t need anything. I only needed her.

We talked about the worst part of this virus was not hugging each other and we did our “elbow dabs.” Lol. And her final words as usual, “I love you. Be careful if you can’t be good.”

I wish I could hold on to that last image of her along with the pain of losing her.

Pain is a tricky thing and grief is even trickier. I thought I was doing ok that first week. I launched the “Hey Kilo Cares: Hair, Skin & Within” line and I was over the top excited. Hurt I couldn’t have her see it physically come to fruition but she was excited about all the projects I had coming up. She wore my bracelet I made her daily featuring lapis lazuli. Blue was her favorite color.

I kept myself, as usual, busy when tragedy hits. When my Mom was killed I took no time off. I was like a robot. Or the energizer bunny. I kept going. I later learned in therapy that it was a distractive coping mechanism. I can’t say if it works or not. I’m assuming not. Eventually you have to face the pain.

For Mother Dear, there was just sadness but relief she was no longer in pain. For Mama, I felt robbed. We were preparing to lose her to Sickle Cell Anemia, a disease that she had since she was a child. I knew she wouldn’t live forever. Had prepared my entire life to sit next to her and holding her hand as she took her last breath.

It didn’t happen that way. She was taken from us. Those moments only whispers of a yearned for memory that could never happen. I felt robbed. I still feel robbed. I thought I had got to a point of acceptance.

The Monday before the call, I got this odd sensation that someone had died. I told Darron and my SiStar Kash. I mean I literally felt like I was grieving. I cried Monday and Tuesday and couldn’t for the life of me understand why I was feeling so down. I told them that it felt like someone had died and like a cancer patient I was happy they were no longer in pain, yet sad to see them go. It was like my Higher Self was preparing me.

I took it a step further and assumed it was me coming to acceptance of Mama finally being gone and I wrote a blog about it. Boy was I wrong or was I? I feel like it all happened for a reason and by design. Everything is by design.

Nevertheless the week after her death I was again, on autopilot, working my way through and like a broken record, I thought this was the best way to get through.

As the funeral got closer and closer my fuse got shorter and shorter. I was angry. I lashed out at drivers. I snapped on the kids. Customers, fo workers. I snapped on Darron the most. I hated myself. I was angry.

I was lashing out for absolutely no reason at all.

I guess just to feel. To feel something.

I’ve been numb for so long. I needed to feel my way through this pain and the only emotion I could feel was anger.

I cried it out. I screamed it out in the shower for forever. Darron just coaxed me through it and let me know he was there and that everything would be alright. I let it all out. I purged my emotions out. I’m talking about ugly crying baring my all in that water and saying to myself, “Subconscious and Superconscious I release this pain so that I can feel it completely and release it so that I may renewed with strength. I am free of this pain. I am cleansed for I am loved on Earth as well as in The Spiritual Realm.” I said that over and over again.

That was two days ago. And while I’m not 100% I feel lighter. I know that with time this pain will be a dull ache. It’ll never go away. I’ll just be strong enough to withstand it.

Mother Dears final words to me were, “Kie be strong.” We we’re all gifted with sight. From Mother Dear, to Mama, to Great Grand and her daughters, my Grandma and my Aunt Gladys. Now me. Our Ancestors are so strong and are with each of us daily. I feel Mother Dear, Mama and now Great Grand DAILY.

And like in life Great Grand plays by her own rules! Popping in and out my dreams and thoughts. Voice louder than any other voice I’ve heard from the spiritual realm. Loud! I feel her appreciation right now as I’m writing this.

She’s finally at peace and she knew it was ok to leave and that we all were going to be ok. Her mission here on earth fulfilled.

I was so blessed to have such a life filled with some amazing women who loved me unconditionally. In life and now in the spiritual realm I am still loved unconditionally.

Highs and lows of my past I wouldn’t change a thing.

That anger is now subsiding. I may not have all the answers and never will but I am loved and I will love. I’ll always choose love over everything.

Great Grand and her Garden Partners my oldest loves Malachi & Micah.
6 Generations Of Love. I’m forever Grateful for every High & Low. I will always love you all.
💖

Flashback

I remember when I went to Center, I think it was while I was a Sophomore, my Mama found this kitten that had been tortured and she brought him to me.

He was literally a baby. And someone beat him and he was paralyzed.

I stopped everything to try to heal him. I didn’t go to games or nothing. I just would come straight home, change his diaper, bottle feed him.

Every morning I would wake up, change his diaper, bottle feed him and make him comfortable.

I made him a pillow and stiched his name on it. I named him Lucky.

I begged my Grandma for Money to take him to the Vet. She wasn’t having it at all lol. (I’m not mad about it.) She told me something real she said baby would you want to survive in all that pain? Never to walk again.

Sighs…. idk, idk. Is what I said. I just wanted him to have a chance to get better again.

Well I came home one day and Lucky was gone. Just his little pillow. I cried like he was my child.

I was a different kind of kid. I was this seemingly hard outer shell by day but at home I was me, lost in my own thoughts. Reading, writing, creating. Doing my own thing. Feeling everything. Shutting the world out because it was way too loud.

Now I just am who I am.

Soft and hard as needed. No longer closing the world out.